There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” Oscar Wilde

Every morning I get an email from a Facebook site. It carries the not so catchy headline:  [CivilSMA1] Civil San Miguel de Allende, formerly Civil SMA from YahooGroups. It’s commonly called The Civil List. It’s the only daily email I choose to get from any Facebook site.

Most mornings I open the email. I try not to if I’m supposed to be doing something that Don Day’s wife calls “meaningful”. But it’s hard not to open it. The list usually has at least two or three snippets…perhaps one little gem…of information, sometimes some juicy gossip, and once in a while some differences of opinions.

I like differences of opinions, a little more so when they become squabbles. They’re great spectator sports. As long as you stay on the sidelines. Which is sometimes hard to do.

There were some very varied opinions on The Civil List recently about something I think I know a little about, a restaurant; more specifically, it was something I think I know a lot about, a Chinese restaurant. I couldn’t stay on the sidelines. I had to put my gloves on. I had to step into the ring. I had to order their food. Maybe fire my opinion into the fray.

The restaurant in the posts was called Asian Express. I put Asian Express San Miguel de Allende into the world’s most popular (their words) search engine. First page: Nothing. Second page: Nothing. Fifth page: Nothing. Tenth page: Nothing. I found Asian Express restaurants in three Canadian cities, eleven U.S. cities, in Chile, France and Ireland but none in San Miguel.

I went back to the posts on The Civil List. I found one that, instead of Asian Express called it by its correct name, Asia Oriental Express. Most of the others had the name of the restaurant wrong. I was beginning to understand why it’s sometimes called “the snivel list”.

The post not only had the restaurant’s name right, they had a copy of the menu and the contact info. Even better.

The texting

The concise list of dishes was mostly classic Chinese-American restaurant fare with a hint of Thai and a sprinkle of Vietnamese. We texted our order. Asia Oriental Express confirmed rapidísimo.

The timeliness

We’d asked for our order around 6:00. At 5:52, we received the message “su orden va en camino”. Very impressive.

Two plastic bags arrived at 6:28. Not unusual in this town, or any other town for deliveries to be half an hour late. Tardiness forgiven.

The temperature

I slipped the tab on the first box of black styrofoam. I dipped my baby finger into the sauce. I swirled my baby finger in the sauce. Not hot. Barely warm. Could I forgive this, knowing that there are now very efficient insulated bags you can put on the back of your moto? Maybe. Could I take into consideration that Asia Oriental Express is in the northwest corner of San Miguel and we’re far away in the southeast? Maybe.

When we order a pizza from Neopolitan, my job is to immediately proceed to the kitchen and start the oven at 250ºC. When the pizza arrives, in it goes for two minutes no matter how hot, warm or cold it is upon arrival.

Chinese is a little different. Pizza comes in one box and goes, in one piece, into the oven. Chinese comes in four boxes and goes in one box at a time into the microwave. Was I ready to express my opinion on The Civil List? Not quite. But getting very close.

The taste

First box. Hot and sour chicken wings. I drank a lot of hot and sour soup in the sixties and seventies. I ate a lot of chicken wings in the eighties and nineties. But, despite living within walking distance of Chinatown in Toronto and eating Asian two or three times a week, I had never in my life seen hot and sour chicken wings.

The sauce was not too hot, not too sour. It was just right. The chicken was moist, fall of the bone. A winner.

Second box. Pot stickers. A Chinese classic. A perfect dish to measure Asia Oriental Express against the others. The wrappers were light, gently fried. The stuffing was a fine ground pork with the right amount of heat and spice. The only problem I had was the same as a couple of people on The Civil List had. I wanted more. The dumplings were skimpy. Give me six not four. Or fatten them up and charge me more.

Third box. Orange chicken. Perhaps Don Day’s Wife’s favorite Chinese dish. No, definitely Don Day’s Wife’s favorite Chinese dish. And close to mine as well. Nice sauce but would have liked a little more zest. Big problem with the chicken though and a common one with Chinese restaurants. Way too much breading.

The fourth and final box. Mongolian beef. Very beefy with lots of onions and peppers in the sauce. I would compare it with some of Toronto’s best. But would I feel the effects later?

The tenderizing

The two most popular ways of tenderizing meat in Chinese restaurants are the baking soda method and the MSG method. One gives a little fuzz to the taste. The other gives a little buzz to the brain.

I was confused. No fuzz. No buzz. I messaged the restaurant to ask if they used MSG. Again Asia Oriental Express responded rapidisimo.

The tab.

Some of the posters on The Civil List weren’t happy with the price. Now I’m terribly irresponsible when it comes to spending money on food and I hardly ever count my centavos so I did a cross-check with a place that I haven’t mentioned anywhere so far. It’s called Dragon Chino and it’s where I get almost all of my Chinese delivered from in San Miguel. And have done for ten plus years.

According to the most recent menu post on Restaurant Guru, at Dragon Chino, Mongolian beef and orange chicken are both $120. At Asia Oriental Express, Mongolian beef is $245 and orange chicken is $185. At Asia Oriental Express, you do get soup, noodles or rice included when you order a main but paying double when you get a scoop of steamed rice. Sorry, no.

The true test.

It was time for the decision. To post or not to post on The Civil List. I went back to look at the previous posts about the restaurant. There was one from a guy who I know, a guy who I’ve bent elbows with, a guy who knows the restaurant biz. His name is Lou Christine and Lou runs San Miguel’s VIP Club. I decided to let Lou have the almost last word.

“There are defenders looking to defend the defenseless. There’s lots of shilling and we will hear about a restaurant every day for a week and never hear of it mentioned again. It’s always like there’s a snake in the grass, sharpening their cutting blade, ready to spring at the slightest misconception.”

The last word I saved for Don Day’s Wife. 

“Bad press is better than no press. It’s like that Oscar Wilde quote. We read about the restaurant on The Civil List and ordered. I’ll bet a lot of other readers did too.

Asia Oriental Express is located at Avenida Olimpo 67 in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico. The restaurant is open from 11:00 am to 7:00 pm. To order, call 415 215 3625.

P.S.

I wrote what’s above last week. It was rather non-commital. Today, my friend Nancy said we have to go for lunch at Asia Oriental Express. I did what she said. I had an extraordinarily good Kung Pao Chicken. I think you should go too.