I don’t like snails or toads or frogs
Or strange things living under logs
But, mmm mmm mmm, I love onions

Dinner for two. For 100 pesos. Including tip. But, no, of course not including drinks.

Don Day’s Wife and I have done it. A few times.

It starts with the clocks in our heads chiming five.

Where to? Almost always the same choice. Been going there since it was Harry’s. Been going there since it’s been Hank’s. Will keep going if they change it to Harvey’s, Henry’s, Homer’s or Javi’s. As long as it has that same ambiance, that same service, that same food and those same prices.

We snag the second last high top. Order our twofers. Check the corner table to see if owner “bashful” Bob Thieman might be back. Wave to that someone we haven’t seen in months. Speculate as to who that might be beside her. Discuss…OK, argue…as to the volume of the music.

“Too loud.” “Perfect.” “Too loud.” “Perfect.” “Too loud.” “Perfect.” 

Miriam returns with our drinks. Miriam returns with a bowl of popcorn.

“Too salty.” “Perfect.” “Too salty.” “Perfect.” “Too salty.” “Perfect.” 

Salty enough that within 20 minutes, onefer of our twofers has disappeared. As well as the popcorn.

“We should order something before she brings that second bowl.”

“Calamares? Ostiones?”

“You know what I want. You know what you want.”

“Aros de cebolla. They’re still there on the menu. Still 80 pesos.”

Miriam takes our order. 

“And we’ll probably need another happy round.”

The rings arrive. Lickety-split. Too hot to eat. But not too hot to play with.

Don Day’s Wife takes her first bite, closes her eyes and starts to sing “Memories” but quickly stops when she opens her eyes and realizes I’m not Hubbell Gardiner.

That batter. So light, so crispy, so ungreasy (yes, I know it’s not a word). Can you buy buttermilk in San Miguel?

Those onions. So XL in girth yet so runway model thin. And oh so sweet. Can you buy vidalias in San Miguel?

“What is that red spice they dust them with?”, I ask.

“Simply cayenne”, says Don Day’s Wife.

“Simply wonderful.” I say.

We’re now through the third, part way through the fourth, of our twofers. 

“Time we order mains?”, I ask.

“Time we headed home”, says Don Day’s Wife. “That clock in my head is striking again. It’s trying to spell intoxicated and mixing it up with inebriated.”

“And hey, we’ve already had the best 80 peso dinner in San Miguel.”

You’ll find Hank’s New Orleans Cafe and Oyster Bar at Hidalgo #12 in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.